Pumpkin Pie Treats
I’m not sure if you were aware, but it’s finally pumpkin spice season!!!!1! Honestly people, are we over it yet? Why can’t I get pumped for my favorite season without being punched in the face by Mr. Pumpkin Spice as soon as September rolls around? There are so many better things out there that have everything to do with fall and nothing to do with that one stinkin’ pie. I’m more of a salted caramel mocha girl myself.
So about this recipe…
There I was casually making Scotcharoos in the middle of September when I had (what I believed to be) an amazing idea to somehow transform this sticky sweet cereal bar from peanut butter flavor to the ever popular fall favorite: pumpkin pie. Well October reared its gourd-shaped head and this idea of mine never faded. It was time to execute this little experiment. First step: actually look up a recipe for pumpkin pie. Something I have gracefully declined doing for twenty-two years. From what I gathered, pumpkin pie’s beloved flavor profile has three main parts. (Can ya guess them?) They are pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice blend (the homemade kind is classier, but optional) and sugar. I assumed the sticky schotcharoo base of sugar and corn syrup would be up to the task of holding these babies together. Keep reading for the results. It gets…weird.
Pumpkin Pie Treats
Ingredients: 1 Cup sugar 1 1/2 Cup Light Corn Syrup 1 teaspoon Salt 1 (15oz) Can Pumpkin Puree 1/2 Cup Sweetened Condensed Milk 2 teaspoons Pumpkin Pie Spice 13 Cups Special K Original Cereal (Optional topping) 4 Tablespoons Butter (divided in half) 4 oz Bar White Chocolate 2/3 Cups Graham Cracker Crumbs Tools: 1, 1/2 and 1/3 measuring cups Dutch Oven Pot Large Casserole Dish, 9 by 13 is fine Spatula Whisk Wax Paper
Add sugar, salt and syrup into the pot. Turn on stove to medium heat setting. Cook until sugar dissolves, stirring occasionally.
Add sweetened condensed milk, stir and cook for 2 minutes.
Add pumpkin, lower temp and stir until the mixture is very smooth. You’ll know.
Turn off stove and add Spice. Mix for 1 minute. (I think I cheated and also added 1/2 t cinnamon.)
Cereal time! I suggest adding half and mix and then adding the rest.
Spread mixture onto a wax-paper lined casserole dish and let cool on counter top for two hours.
While the goop is cooling, prepare your icing. In a microwave safe bowl, put in chopped white chocolate and 2T of the butter. Microwave for 30 seconds, stir, microwave for 15 seconds, stir until smooth. Splat the melted mixture onto the goop and spread evenly.
It’s morning. Take the bars out of the Refrigerator and cut a tiny corner out to test consistency and taste. Realize your fear has become a reality because the bar is complete mush and you don’t even like pumpkin pie, so you are just disgusted and sad because this thing that took you over an hour to make tastes like pumpkin pie flavored cereal that has been sitting in its milk for too long.
The following steps are optional:
Transfer this disrespectful sheet of cold goop to parchment paper, place back into your casserole dish and preheat oven to 350º because you are not a quitter.
Place dish in preheating oven because the glass is still freezing from the fridge and you don’t want your mom’s 11 by 15 inch casserole dish to break because you are a family of white people and casseroles are kind of a staple. Remember that adding ritz crumbs to the top of a casserole always makes the casserole better. Realize graham cracker crumbs are the dessert version of ritz. (Surprise! This is where those last two ingredients come in.) Melt the last 2T of butter and mix the graham cracker crumbs with the melted butter. At this point the goop has been in the oven for 20 minutes. Pull dish out and crumble the graham mix on top. Put back in oven and continue to bake/pray for 20 minutes. (40 total minutes)
While you are waiting, pat yourself on the back for getting only on-sale ingredients. Also treat yourself to a nice bowl of Special K. When it is time, take the dish out of the oven and let sit until you think it isn’t hot enough to melt your tongue. Cut a piece next to the first test taste, take hot bite and instantly remember why you detest pumpkin pie. Learn that the pumpkin spice flavor greatly enhances after it has been well heated.
Make your friends taste it. Refuse to believe them when they say they like it. Let cool completely. Overnight even. Wake up and walk into your kitchen and find a massive casserole dish hanging out and reminding you why you rage bought those totally necessary wool Keds last night. Try that stuff again. Remember why you hate it again, but this time note that the texture is closer to that of snot. Pretend a giant casserole dish full of this stuff isn’t sitting in your kitchen for five full days. Accept Failure. Throw that PSL-scented hunk of shame away.
- I sincerely hope no one ever actually uses this recipe.
- At least I got to use my cute chalkboard and practice my food photographing (non) skills.
- My first two posts have been baking failures and even I am starting to question my talent.
What would you have done differently to this recipe?